New Roommates

Well, with the economy in a downward spiral, my rent has just gotten higher and higher, until finally I was forced to do the unthinkable....get roommates. Their names are Chevis (he's Scandinavian) and Jojoba (he is from Cham-pu Botel). They are pretty dull, all they seem to do all day is open and close their mouths, with nothing even remotely interesting coming out.

And here is where I must make a confession...I have terrible anger-management issues. Really. I once nearly tore apart another one of my kind, for no apparent reason at all. I just lost control the moment I sighted him! It was terrible, and for that reason I was ostracized and had to move far away. So, now, for safety reasons, I have built a wall between our two sides of the apartment so as not to be tempted. We'll see how it works out...

KIDNAPPED!

I was KIDNAPPED TODAY! It was terrible! And the police simply will not answer my pleas for help! I haven't even been able to CONTACT them! Anyways, back to my harrowing story....

I was just laying back, minding my own business, when I was violently swept into some kind of bucket and set precariously close to a dire precipice. I was kept there for a pretty long while, I am assuming that my kidnappers were debating on how much to try and get for me (I am worth quite a lot, you know). In the end, though, I was let go, for reasons unknown. I think it was probably because they had learned I had connections with powers greater than themselves, and feared for their lives if I ever escaped.

Summer: Come and Gone

A few days ago I realized that Summer had finally come! I was shivering in my apartment when suddenly, after much sloshing and earthquake-like movements, the sun burst out and warmed my apartment right up. It was amazing. I basked in it for quite a while, getting a tan (I hope).

Unfortunately, this state of affairs did not last long. In fact, it seemed to be only a few days! I have never experienced such a short summer! It must be *gasps* Global Warming.

Relationships

Well, Jennifer left me. I can't say I miss her that much, she wasn't much of a conversationalist, and had really weird views on Fish-Plant relationships. I was a little rattled that she just up and left without so much as a goodbye, but oh well. Anyways, more important news....

There is a new woman in my life. Her name is Janessa, and she just showed up in my apartment yesterday! It was a dream come true (for both of us, I'm sure). Here is a picture of her and I together, lounging around the apartment:

She is taller than me, but I am confident in my manliness and don't care about height differences. I am a little unsure of how this relationship will work as time goes on though, her being a Bird, and I a Fish. Birds are known to be given to Carnal Desires, otherwise known as Eating Fish. She assures me that this is not true for her, that she loves me wholly, but I think I will keep an eye out.

Frank: The Evil One

So, I was just laying around when I saw him. He was over in the east end of my apartment again, just STARING right at me! I have to say I freaked out a little bit, and then became incensed with rage against this guy who has decided to just barge right in. I flew straight at him, and he STILL would not budge! In fact, this guy (I call him Frank) just flew into a rage! Like I had done something to him! Well, I kind of swam to the side a bit, showing off my mean-looking dorsal fin, and he seemed to scamper off. It was a pretty hectic day...

The Purpose of Life: Religious Studies of Jeff

As I gaze out from my humble abode, I can make out a very important piece of literature. I have studied it quite extensively, staring at it for hours, trying to make sense of it. Here it is:

"I Will Call Upon the Lord:

Psalm 18:3, 6, 27-28, 30, 46

I will call upon the Lord, Who is worthy to be praised.

So Shall I be saved from mine en-e-mies. The Lord liv-eth and

bless-ed be the Rock and may the God of my sal-va-tion be ex-alt-ed.

THe Lord liv-eth and bless-ed be the Rock and may the God of my Salvation be ex-alt-ed.

2. In distress I called my God;

I cried out to God for help.

From His temple He heard my crying voice.

3. Saves the Humble not the proud.

Keeps my lamp a-burning bright;

My God turns my darkness into light.

4. God's way is the perfect way;

Flawless is the Word of God.

He shields those who take refuge in the Lord.

I cannot create with words the associated dots, lines, and strange circles associated with this, but I feel they are not that important.

When I first saw this, I was utterly confounded as to the purpose of such strange language. So, I pondered for several hours and came upon various conclusions. Here is the breakdown:

• The Lord is a pretty great guy who is still alive ("worthy to be praised", "liveth")
• When you praise the Lord, he saves you from Enemies
• The Lord is friends with Rock and God
• God lives in a "temple" ('from his temple")
• God and the Lord help each other to save you from Enemies
• God has a telephone or cellphone ("in distress I called my God")
• God has a pretty good grasp of light fixtures ("keeps my lamp a-burning bright")
• God is always right ("God's way is the perfect way")
• God helps out the Lord's friends ("He shields those who take refuge in the Lord")

In conclusion, I feel that I should probably get to know Lord, maybe hang out with God and Rock a bit.

General Laws of the Universe

I have set about attempting to render in the written word what the General Laws of the Universe are. So far I have:

1. There are three Elements: Water, Pebble, and Plastic.
2. Food comes from Above.
3. There are Three Beings: Fish, High-Pitch Fleshling, Low-Pitch Fleshling.

And that is about all...I'm still working on the Purpose of Life.

Odd things are happening...

A few days ago I woke up from a little snooze in my small apartment and found that the laws governing the universe seem to have changed slightly. My small green plant (whom I call Jennifer...it's a bit lonely in here sometimes) has moved to the sky! I am not sure how this has happened, but I find it rather delightful shade.

Also, I have noticed that there is a rather peculiar (though devilishly handsome) fish swimming around near the eastern edge of my apartment. I have tried several times to scare him off, but he seems to be rather bold...I will keep trying, maybe install a security system?

Who am I?

I'm Jeff Random, and a crown tailed Betta living in the posh estate of Room 312. I started this blog to eliminate the vast prejudice that so many hold against my Species, saying we have a "3-second memory" and even using our name as an insult like "fish-brain". I, like the Lorax, speak for the Betta community.